New moms are probably familiar with the feeling of mom guilt. Even if you don’t recognize the term, I’m sure you have felt as if you’re not doing enough for your kids at some point in your maternity journey. Especially if you’re a working back who’s now leaving their newborn children to go back to your career. A little voice might have crawled its way to you and started telling you you’re not enough or straight-up a bad mom. That’s mom guilt right there!
And COVID-19 hasn’t done moms any favors. There are actually studies in progress to determine the exact impact of the pandemic on mom guilt and work-family balance. Still, the impact is quite clear! Mom guilt prevents working moms from achieving optimal productivity levels because of the negative emotions caused by such guilt. It also made returning to work even more challenging than it already is and can even lead to mental health issues if things escalate too quickly. Considering that American moms are especially at risk of mom guilt (according to THIS survey), I decided to dedicate this post to how to overcome it. Keep reading to learn how to get over mom guilt!
How To Get Over Mom Guilt
Rationalize the reason why you feel guilty.
It all starts with acknowledging your feelings. You need to understand the reason behind your mom guilt besides being a “bad mom”. Think about the little details that make you feel like you’re not a good enough other. Is it the fact that you had to hire a nanny? Does Saturday brunch with friends make you feel guilty? Do you feel anxious about not picking the kid up from school yourself? Ask yourself the tough questions in order to rationalize your mom guilt and overcome it faster. Once you realize that those feelings of guilt are irrational and unfair, it gets easier.
Take a day to stay home with your kids.
Spending time with your kids is the most wonderful thing! Still, it’s unfair to make yourself slack at work or give up your social life for it. You have to create balance. So pick a day of the week to dedicate it entirely to your family! Sunday is usually the perfect day to spend time with the kids. Pick a few quiet and relaxed activities for the children and hang out with them all day! This will help you feel less guilty during the week since you know you’ll get to spend unrestricted time with your kids soon.
Start practicing self-care every day.
Self-care is essential for working moms! Between juggling the kids and house chores, advancing your career, and managing a social life, it’s easy to put self-care on the back burner and let it slide. But that only hijacks your mental health! Considering that studies show 80% of mothers do not return to their usual self-care schedule postpartum, it’s important to learn to relax. I always try to find ways to decrease postpartum stress! A self-care routine doesn’t have to be fancy either. Just taking 30 minutes out of the day to meditate, take a long bath, or read a book can make all the difference!
Know the tough times won’t last forever.
Mom guilt can be extremely exhausting, but it gets better over time. Once your kids grow and stop crying every time you say goodbye or ask to visit their own friends, you’ll realize that it’s normal to strike a balance. You can still love your kids and be a super mom if you go for brunch on weekends or see a play with your friends. Over time, you’ll realize that feeling guilty for living your life as well doesn’t help at all!
Communicate with your partner and children.
You need to be honest about your struggles if you want to demystify them! That’s why family communication is so important. So don’t be scared of telling your husband you need to take a rest or explaining to your kids why mom looks tired. Transparency leads to trust and will help you avoid bottling up your feelings!
Swap the feelings of guilt for gratitude and intention.
Mom guilt can be paralyzing and feeling bad it’s normal. Especially when social media makes you compare yourself to others every 5 seconds! It’s easy to feel like a bad mom compared to other mothers you see on Instagram. Trust me, we’ve all been there. But you need to swap out those feelings of guilt for gratitude and joy! Sure, it’s tougher than it sounds. Still, take a moment each day to appreciate your family, your home, and all of your hard work. A little bit of gratitude can turn your entire mindset around!
Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
No, you’re not a bad mom for asking for help. Every new parent feels overwhelmed at first, especially in the current circumstances! You need to learn to ask others for help, whether that is your partner or a family member. Maybe someone can babysit the kids for you on a Saturday so you and your partner can go on a date. Or your husband can take care of laundry on Tuesdays so you have time to prepare for a weekly standout for work. No matter in which area of your life you need a hand, don’t be afraid to ask for it!
What are your best strategies for overcoming mom guilt?
Those are my favorite tips for getting over mom guilt! No matter if you are a working mom who goes to the office or stays at home on a remote job, mommy guilt is real and takes a toll on you. So put these strategies into practice to fight it and protect your mental health! If you want to read more posts packed-full of advice for new moms, head over to the Maternity section of the blog. Now go take care of yourself and get over mom guilt!